My birthday or deathday?

I was born on September 19th 1988. I share this same date with my deseased grandmother who was born September 19th 19 38.  We were exactly 50 years apart. My birthday should be a joyous occasion. I’m celebrating the day that my mother gave birth to me and also thanking God for another year. However, this is one of the hardest things to do…

when I was 11 years old my grandmother died on our birthday. She was diagnosed with liver cancer and by the time the doctors caught it, all we could do is hope and pray for a huge miracle to take place. My grandmother called me early that morning to wish me a happy birthday. she couldn’t talk at this point. I can remember me speaking to her these words, “happy birthday grandmommy. I love you, you’re gonna get better ok? Jesus told me in my dream.” and she murmured and grunted back at me in pain just eagerly trying to say “happy birthday peaches grandmomma loves you too.”–but she couldn’t.She died later that evening, and while most 11 year olds would have been popping pinatas or blowing out 11 birthday candles I was surrounded by family members who all had eyes full of tears and hearts full of sorrows. I couldn’t even possibly think about my birthday. My grandmother was like my mom to me. All i could think about was how unfair it was that she was gone. All I could do was try to make sense of how someone so passionate and sweet, good be here today and gone tomorrow. All I could think about was how our birthday turned into her death day. For the longest time, I was weary to celebrate my birthday because I felt guilty…I felt like it was wrong to be happy on a day that my grandmother died.

I’ll  be 22 on the 19th of this month, and even though I lost an angel on my birthday 11 years ago, I can only thank God that he has brought me and my family through such horrible times. I’m reminded that as long as I have breath I should not have any guilt for celebrating the day that I was born. It’s what my grandmother would want me to do. I love her and miss her tremendously and she will forever remain in my thoughts and heart.


2 thoughts on “My birthday or deathday?

  1. Oh my gosh I literally shed a tear on this one. I live at home and take care of my Nana and I know my time I have left with her is limited, so your blog hit SO close to home for me. If you think about it though, it just shows that whatever life lessons and memories you had with your grandma, they were so significant, that there was a reason that day was chosen for her- to force you to remember how much she loved you and all the good times you shared :o) I am sorry for your loss, but in the light of this comment, Happy Birthday! Don’t forget to make a b-day wish!!

    P.S. My Nana’s b-day is just around the corner, too! It is onNovember 7th. She will be 94 :o)

    • Aww thank you! I am just now learning how to check my clog comments. But I agree, I cherish every moment I spent with her and she definitely will never be forgotten. I had interpersonal Comm with you over the summer so I am aware of this situation with your Nana. I commend you on all of your efforts, love, dedication, and handwork to take care of her. Make sure you give her kiss for me on her birthday! 🙂

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